Life Ain’t All Beach n Beer Out Here You Know!

Hello Everybody.

It’s been a long time since the last posting, did you all think I’d dropped off the planet?

The next project after my little jaunt up to Lao and back for my Ed Visa was going to be about Ben’s  birthday party with pix and vids but I never seemed to have the time now that I’m going to Pattaya twice a week to school. There are vids on youtube that you can look at though if you have my user name, if you’ve not got it, email me and I’ll send it to you.

Never fear, I WILL make an effort to get the pix of Ben’s party up soon, I promise!

Anyway, to get back to why Life Ain’t All Beach n Beer.

In Thailand a U.K. driving license is valid for one year, after that you need a Thai license which is easy enough to get they say. But as I didn’t buy a car, and, up to now, only driven (a pick up truck) four times since I’ve been here I haven’t felt an urgent  need to get one.

BUT, if you remember, I DID BUY a 125 Suzuki just after I got here.

Just like this.

Now the thing is, I didn’t have a U.K. motorbike license, so, if you want to be picky about it I suppose you might say I wasn’t really legal when I was riding it. But then again, neither are millions of Thai’s that hurtle about, some as young as 10/12 years old,  (you should see ‘em when the schools are turning out!!) aren’t legal either.

I used to get big grief from Siri about it and then Ben started having a go at me, then Mink started as well. I’d had a word with other farangs and was told that there was no way I would be able to sort out a license on my own, I would need a Thai person with a good grasp of English with me as all the paper work and instructions of how to go about it is all in Thai.

So once again I didn’t feel an urgent need to get a license…..

Then Ben came up with the answer a few weeks ago……

Go to stay with him and Mink for a while, with help from Mink, sign in at  the local immigration office, get the paper work I needed, then go to the driving center and book a test……….

Easier said then done!!

Monday.

After Mink had got most of the papers I needed from the Immigration office (this had taken about two hours, (thanks Fav-B-D in L) I had to have a medical with a local doctor. This is where Ben came back on the job as Mink had other more important Charlie Dimmock (google her if you’ve no idea who Charlie Dimmock is) things of her own to do about 11am.

So, back to Ban Chang to find a doctor. Ben knew the general location of one so off we went looking, a quick check in a pharmacy confirmed there was a doctor just a few doors up. When we got in the office we (I) had a small problem. They needed my passport number and to check it was really me applying for the certificate.

Oh whoops, I’d left it in Bens car. He decided it would be quicker for him to go and fetch it because I might get lost between looking for the car and getting back to the Docs office. (very probably!!!)

After Ben had left I remembered I had a small photo-copy of my passport in my wallet, I asked the lady if it would do, it would so we started filling the form in.

By the time Ben got back I’d seen the Doc, had the check and was just signing the form. (I might be wrong, but I got a bit of a  feeling that he wasn’t too impressed after going back to the car, it was the look on his face that gave it away)

The check up was a very thorough one, so Ben said when I told him what the Doc had put me through.

First of all he asked me how I was, I said fine, good he said, then he pumped my arm up, check the reading, good he said and let it go down again. He listened to my chest on both sides, good he said. I think he checked me for mumps coz he checked my neck, good he said. Then he looked into my eyes, I didn’t ask why, good he said.

The last thing he asked was my age, I told him 66, guess what he said to that.

Correct!

That’s it, all the paper work done, what do we do now, yes we did, well done, we went for a beer coz Mink was still at school earning brownie points towards her school certificate.

I had a couple of beers then went on to orange juice, I had my motor bike test in the morning so I didn’t need to be feeling ill or suffering with a hangover!

The Big Day.

Tuesday.

Up at the crack of dawn and heading to the driving license place in ระยอง (Rayong). (Ben didn’t come with us, he went to school in พัทยา, (Pattaya) we’re ALL at it being students innit!!!

Mink parked the car and we went to find out which office we needed to be at. The first office wasn’t the one. We went in another office and up the stairs, this was the office we needed. Mink went and queued up, and sorted the job out, now this was no easy job, a load of forms were needed to be filled in, all my papers were checked, checked again, then after another check I was told to sign on the line. I had NO idea what was being said, or what most of he forms were but it must have been all OK coz we were told to wait to be called for me to do the colour blind test. This was a very large round board on the wall, you had to sit about 3m away and call out the colours as they were pointed to you, there was nothing to stop you trying to memorise where the different colours were just incase you were colour blind. (that needed somebody to tell you the colours of course!)

I said to Mink, I’ve no idea what some of the colours were in Thai, she said call them out in English, which I did.

I passed that test OK.

Next it was the reaction test.

For this you had to sit on an ordinary chair with a wooden tray in front of you with a dummy accelerator on it and a brake pedal that you had to press down when the green light on the right hand side of the machine turned to red. On the left hand side there were two upright lines of green lights, you had to brake fast enough to keep them in the green, if they went into the red lights you’d not reacted fast enough.

I passed that test OK.

After that came the question and answer test on a computer. (the man in charge came across and changed the language from Thai to English for me, which I thought was very nice of him!)

This was hard work, whoever wrote out the question in English, English was not his/her first language. With some of the questions it was a case of picking a number, pressing the button and hoping for the best!

Ben had warned me about this.

I failed the first go, I can’t remember by how many now though, but the nice man came over to me and showed how to check which I had got wrong……. I wrote the right answers on my hand for my second go, but that bit of cheating didn’t really work, I didn’t get all the same questions the second time round……

But not to fuss, I passed on the second go.

That was all the theory tests passed, all I had to do was pass the practical now.

All the staff stopped work, Lunch time now.

We went across to the driving course to have a look at what was to be done. The driving test wasn’t taken on the public roads, it was taken in a compound. From a standing start you had to ride up to a raised (about 2inches) part of the road, I suppose you’d call it a simulated bridge, about two car lengths long, ride along it to the end without coming off it. Then you rode up to a white line, with a halt sign, and stop, after that you rode along and turned left then stop at a second halt sign at a cross roads, using indicators at all times for the turns. I’m not sure why because lights and indicators seem to be an optional extra here,  the only thing you really know for sure is that the indicator that’s flashing only means that that bulb is OK and hasn’t blown! After the last halt sign you had to do a right turn then turn into where a line of cones were and drive in and out of them without hitting one or putting a foot down on the floor as you go through them, once through you had finished.

The start of the practical was supposed to be at 1.30pm, but it didn’t happen. Those of you that have been here know about what is called Thai Time, for those that haven’t I’ll explain.

Thai Time is very very very flexible, I don’t think the word punctuality translates into the Thai language. It can be  case of, if it happens it happens. If you’re lucky it will happen sometime on the day it’s supposed to happen!

I better mention before I forget again, that I turned up for a m/bike test without a m/bike.

I know what you’re thinking, the silly old bugger’s lost it all together now, who’d go for a m/bike test without a m/bike, the sun’s finally fried his last few braincells!

Let me explain, there are m/bikes to rent on site for 50bht a time, but there’s a problem, when Mink went to see about renting a bike, he’d only got one, and it had gears. My m/bike’s an automatic, and I hadn’t ridden a geared bike since around the early 70′s. I’m in a bit of a quandary now then. But once again, Mink comes to the fore, is not a problem dad, I’ll borrow one for you. I thought yeah right, I can see that happening! So off she went to borrow me a m/bike from somebody. She spoke to two people, the second said I could use his.

Can you see that happening in England!

The man in charge turns up and gathers all testees (it’s a good job I put two e’s in testees innit or you might have got the wrong idea, eh!) to him and started to explain what was needed to pass the test. This would be another drawback for a falang on his own, but luckily I had Mink with me telling me in English what he was saying.

OK, TEST TIME.

You have to see it to believe it, this is BULK testing. He tested in batches, he got six lined at the start line, blew his whistle and the first set off for the ramp , when the one on the ramp cleared it he sent the second off. He had them spaced out a treat at the different halt signs. When they had cleared the cones and left the test area he set the second batch off and so on until everybody had done it.

I was in the middle of my batch, they all went over the ramp and away, my turn next……..

I’m on the ramp now, about two bike lengths over it I wobbled and went off, oh dash I thought. But the nice man said I could go back and start again. Fantastic!

Away from the start line, up on the ramp, doing well I thought, but alas, just before I got to the end I went off, again! That’s me done then, no pass for me…..

The nice man had a word with Mink and told her I could go back the next day and try again, according to Mink you aren’t supposed to go back the next day, you have to wit for two days before having another go. And he didn’t give me a fail mark for some reason!!!!!

That’s it then, pride all in tatters I plunge into manic depression in a big way. Ben turned up to drive us home (he’d bussed it all the way from Pattaya to Rayong) But I didn’t go home empty handed. I went back with a Thai car licence, Mink sorted it out for me. All I needed to do was prove I had a full UK licence.

Wednesday.

Today wasn’t an early start, we didn’t need to be at the test center until just before test time to pick up my papers for the (2nd) test so I went off on the m/bike to practice riding  in a straight line (without wobbling!) from a standing start. All told I must have been going up and down the same road stopping and starting for nearly two hours, much to the amusement of the locals in the shops and a road repair crew that were working just where I was U turning at one end of my run.

Time to go now. When we got there Ben and Mink went to eat and I went for a coffee to get the adrenalin going. Then we went up to the office to get my papers then over to where everybody for the test was waiting, Mink went off on a mission to borrow me a m/bike and got one off the first guy she asked, woooooooooo good on you Mink.!

The guy that rents the bike out was talking to the testees when we got there. Mink told me he’d told everybody that the test guy was not as nice as the other guy that was on yesterday. That’s ALL I needed to know!

Test Time.

He sent the first batch to the start line and started them off, nobody fell off the ramp, then the next lot went off, nobody fell off the ramp. Then it was the turn of my lot, off they went one at a time over the ramp, everybody did well. Then the lady in front of me set off, I’m next….

She was about halfway along  when she went off in a big way. She went over on her left, smacked her head ( if she hadn’t got a crash helmet on she’d have been very badly hurt) on badly on the ground, the bike dropped over on to her leg then set off up the road on it’s side. Some people stood were she’d fallen off ran over to her and some guys grabbed her bike and stopped it going up the road. She was a bit dazed and had hurt her leg but she wasn’t as badly hurt as she would have been had she not had a helmet on!

Call me selfish, call me calloused, but as she was helped away I thought I didn’t need her to do that, I was next after her.

Here we go, up on to the ramp doing well and YES, I’ve done it, ALL THE WAY TO THE END WITHOUT COMING OFF IT!!!

I stopped at the halt sign, looked round for traffic then went round the left hander to the next halt sign, he waved me on, I went to the next halt and just as I stopped he waved me on to where he was and stopped to give him my test paper. He was telling me something, I didn’t know what he was saying so I looked for Mink, oh dear, I can’t see her…

Then he said in English that I should have waited until he told me to go at the first halt sign, not go without his signal….. I thought I was in deep trouble now and was going to fail but he sent me back to do that bit again. Not such a bad geezer after all.

I did the left turn and the halt signs and the right turn again, but waited at them until he waved me on. When I stopped along side of him he took my papers, looked at them and told me to go to zig zag cones and leave yard. So I did. No problems in and out of the cones, I didn’t hit one or put my foot down.

I was a Happy Bunny.

But I still didn’t know if I’d passed or not.

I spotted the lad who’d lent me his m/bike and stopped and gave him it back. I asked if he’d passed, with a very large grin on his face he showed me his new licence. He was a Happy Bunny too.

I went to look for Ben and Mink, Mink looked at my papers and confirmed I got  pass. YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Ben then told me he’d watch me all the way round but turned his back my way when I got to the cones in case I looked at him and it put me off, I said I’d no intentions of looking at him once I’d left the start line. He knew I’d gone through OK though because the couple sat next to him were watching me and talking about how I was doing as I went through, when I’d left the yard Ben asked them how I did, They told him I’d done it straight through no probs.

We went back to the office, handed the papers in and waited for my turn to have my pic taken for the licence.

Job done, time to go home..

Mink asked Ben if we were going out for a beer to celebrate me passing my bike test, we talked about it but neither of us were very interested with the idea. So we didn’t go. I think we both must  have been too shattered by the ordeal of my test.

But the day didn’t end there, oh no.

Mink cooked us dinner when we got back….

Home made cheeseburgers and real chips made with real tates.

Proper mustard, Heinz red sauce and pickled onion vinegar (by Garners!) to spinkle on the chips.

Aroi MAK mak.

It had been a full day one way or another, I’d passed the m/bike test and (by default if you like) I’ve also got a Thai car licence.

(don’t forget to click the pix to bigger them)

   Car licence by default.

Bike licence by test.

A Happy Bunny.

Time to go eat now, then I’m thinking of going out for a ride round the bike dealers because now I’ve got a licence I can get a bigger bike. I can’t make up my mind between a Harley D Fat Boy or a Honda Gold Wing. I’m leaning more towards the Honda GW. What do you think?

TTFN folks.

P.S. If you are wondering what temporary licence means, it means they last for one year from issue, then you need to renew, that licence lasts for five years.

~~~~~~~~

                         The Harley D Fat Boy model.

These are the choices

Shall I go for the macho biker image, or the more sedate Grand Tourer image?

                                                                                                                                                                      The Honda Gold Wing.

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